Why so quick to judge?
#34 - Aren't we all just hue-mans trying to figure out how to be?
“It is not for me to judge another man's life. I must judge, I must choose, I must spurn, purely for myself. For myself, alone.” ―Herman Hesse, Siddhartha
The experience of suffering is a key part of life, meant to be overcome time and time again.
You, me, the cashier that rings your groceries up, the person who delivers your mail, we have all felt feelings of suffering at times in life, and this shared experience is something which unites us all.
Every time we overcome an obstacle that created feelings of suffering, we gain valuable experience which grows our perspective to champion the next obstacle.
Life is a practice, a fluidly evolving experience which fosters continued growth. This means there is always another obstacle, and when we choose to see obstacles as teachers, our suffering is lessened.
Use your memory to think back on your own life and you will easily remember the obstacles that you successfully overcame to become the person you are today. Back when you were dealing with that last problem you solved, it almost seemed insurmountable at first, right?
But you did it. You solved it. And here you stand now with more experience than you had before. Your success in dealing with whatever it was made you wiser. Nice work, friend.
Perhaps today you have a new obstacle that you are still working on moving beyond. Something a little tougher than the last one you championed, right?
Maybe right now you are feeling uncomfortable and wondering if you can do it, if you can overcome whatever you are currently dealing with.
The good news is you can.
As you live, you evolve through experience, and the game of life incrementally gets a little tougher with each new lesson it serves you.
But the great force of Consciousness only ever gives you that which you can champion. Look back at your life again, and you will see that this is true for each and every obstacle you have ever faced.
Whatever it is that you are facing now, remember that it is within your ability to move beyond. But you will have to use what you learned last time in order to make it to the next level.
Every living hue-man is at a different stage of their journey through life, and each one has some sort of hidden challenge to overcome that you nor I know anything about.
Imagine you are in a crowded urban area surrounded by other people. Take a moment and a breath to realize that each one of them has a struggle of some sort that they are not broadcasting to the rest of the world as you observe them.
Each one of those people is facing an obstacle that must be overcome in order to learn the lesson that levels them up to their next challenge. And some of them are having a harder time than others.
That one guy in the orange shirt just lost his father to cancer. He is grieving and did not want to get out of bed, but still has to report to work to pay his bills so his family does not lose their house.
The lady in the blue dress just split up with her lover because she found out that he cheated on her with her best friend. She’s questioning her own worth now, and wondering how two people she deeply trusted could be so hurtful in their actions.
The man in the gutter who is shouting at ghosts while trying to bite his own ear off is addicted to hard drugs. Every few days when he sobers up he is consumed by shame and immediately buys more drugs to escape the feelings of suffering that haunt him.
But he’s someone’s son, someone’s brother, someone’s former lover. How do you think the people who love him and wish to see him thrive are coping as they watch him deteriorate in real time while knowing that he is the only person that can choose to stop his self-destruction?
Since we recognize that everyone is fighting an unseen battle, let us consider the following question.
Why would you ever rush to judgement of anyone else?
You do not know what they are going through. You do not know their full story. You do not know what hidden obstacles they face. And just like you and me, they are figuring it out as they go.
Perhaps the old man in front of you at the store that made a rude comment is in immense physical pain, and no longer knows how to contain the sadness his pain causes?
Perhaps the woman you cursed out on the bus for taking the seat you were about to sit down in needed the rest more than you because she had to walk five miles to find the bus after getting a flat tire in her car.
The simple fact is that you do not know what anyone is truly going through at any given time.
Not one single person you encounter needs your judgement.
But they deserve your compassion.
When you judge other people harshly, when you talk trash about them behind their back and call them names, you actually push them farther into whatever hole of suffering they are trying to figure their way out of.
Have you ever considered that your non-judgmental compassion for that person might be the helping hand that they need to overcome the obstacle they are facing?
Or are you too busy trying to gain social status with other confused people by taking pleasure in putting other people down to feel superior?
We are all at different stages of learning how to love ourselves without judgement. And when we have not yet developed unconditional love for ourselves, other people are easy targets to project the frustrations we have with ourselves upon.
We tend to be repelled by traits and behaviors we observe in others that remind us most of the unhealed aspects of ourselves that we are still running from.
When we snap to judgement of someone because of something that they did or said, more often than not this is because on a subconscious level their actions remind us of things that we do or say that we do not like.
Realize that the others, all of them, are simply mirrors that show you to you. They are teachers who flip your triggers to reveal the wounds that are still festering inside you, calling to be healed.
Those who flip your triggers do not need your judgement. They should be thanked for showing you the way forward. They show you exactly where to focus your attention to become the best version of yourself that you wish to be.
True power is kind and compassionate because it is based in a profound love that recognizes all false power to be based in fear.
And as Frank Herbert said in Dune, “fear is the mind-killer”.
Learn to love yourself unconditionally and your judgement of others will fall away naturally like leaves from the trees in Autumn.
And once your leaves fall, the beauty of your flowers will help others to bloom in the Springtime.
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This week’s practice is to observe when we begin judging the others for whatever it is they are doing.
If someone makes you mad, pause a moment to consider why, instead of diving straight into the programmed behavior of focusing your judgement on that person. Look within to understand what trigger they flipped and turn your attention there.
If you catch yourself judging someone else for any reason this week, then you should immediately drop and do 10 pushups, wherever you are.
If you can’t do 10 pushups, well, my dear friend, why are you spending any of your energy focusing on what anyone else is doing? You have more pressing matters to attend to within your own garden.
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For those of you who made it all the way to the end, thank you for being here and doing the work. By working on yourself you are making the world a better place for everyone to share.
In a past life I was a DJ and it has been quite some time since I put a mix of songs out into the world. I think you will enjoy what I put together last Sunday.
When you are looking for some feel-good music that you may not have heard before, have a listen to the mix below, and leave a comment to let me know what you thought about it.
It’s also a great soundtrack to do push ups to ;-P
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If you are asking yourself, “Who the heck is this guy and why am I sitting here reading what he has to say”, then start at post #1.
And please remember, I am not your guru, you are :)
Such a good article, and it is all true, thanks for this.