When you look into the mirror, do you see your true master?
#8 - It is easy to think we are in full control of ourselves, but are we really as "in control" as we like to think we are?
“Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.”
― Epictetus
Imagine this situation: You are relaxing in the park on a Saturday, it is a beautiful day, and you are in a fantastic mood. The Sun is shining upon your face and you can feel its primordial warmth invigorating every single cell in your body with ecstatic vibration as you sit in the grass enjoying a cold drink and something tasty for lunch with a couple of friends gathered around you. Ahhh, feels like perfection, right?
Then one of your friends says something that you do not agree with and you feel a fiery anger swelling within you as the emotional response to their words spreads from your mind to your body. In an instant, your hands ball into fists, your jaw clenches, your entire body stiffens, and your mind starts racing with all the things you’d like to say back to that person. Next thing you know you are firing off an emotionally fueled response, meant to “set them right”, to “correct their ignorance”, or to “hit them where it hurts” about whatever it was they said that made you feel uncomfortable.
You both begin to argue about the subject for a few minutes in an attempt to “prove yourself right”, and you can feel the tension continually building within your mind and body to the point where you can no longer appreciate your day off of work, the loving warmth of the sun, the tree tops breezing, and the lush green grass you and the group are seated upon. Though the argument between you comes to an end, you feel as if your happiness has evaporated into the wind, and all you want to do is go home because of the sour taste in your mouth. The peaceful day you were having is over, and suddenly you feel that it has become a bad day while internally telling yourself the story that it is all the other persons fault.
This is not going to be an easy question for every individual who reads this, but honestly ask yourself, what just happened here? Who is truly in control of your mind if someone simply uttering a few inert words can elicit that type of day-altering response from you? Are you truly your own master - one who is in full control of their mind and how they choose to empower the thoughts that arise? Or is the person who can elicit that type of angry response from you actually in control of your mind.
Remember, you were having a great day with your friends until that person said something you did not like, and then your feelings immediately shifted, even though no one would honestly want to consciously create that shift from peace to pain within themselves. But is it really that other person’s responsibility to make sure you are having a good day or to make you feel any type of way at all? Or is it your job to make sure you feel how you want to feel at all times?
We have all been in situations like that one. Every single one of us lives through tense interpersonal moments from time to time, because they are simply part of the Human Experience. It is incredibly important to recognize that those moments are meant to teach us important things about our birthright powers. You are not alone in feeling scorned by someone else during a heated moment, but how you choose to conduct yourself in emotional situations like the one described here determines if you are truly powerful or if you are giving your true power away. Your re-action to their action will show you if you are your own master, or if the person who angered you actually controls your mind.
If someone else can wiggle the air with dead words to change your peaceful mood into an angry one, well, you already know that they have become your master, and perhaps that knowing further fuels your anger from a subconscious level. But you can absolutely reclaim the power that lies within you. Every single time. It is not easy at all, but by relentlessly practicing self-observation every time an emotional situation presents itself, you can absolutely remain in full control of your mind, no matter what is said to you or at you.
Lying dormant behind the emotional response is our true power, patiently waiting for us to harness it. Emotions arise naturally from intense conversations, but we now recognize that we are each the one that empowers them by giving them our attention and mental energy. Our true power of self-control will never be accessible as long as we continue to “take the bait” that our emotions dangle in front of us. Taking that bait with an “eye for an eye” mindset is much easier, yes, but does it lead us to being truly happy in the long run? Only as individuals can we answer that important question before then performing the action we deem necessary to adjust our own behavior.
One who is their own true master is able to insert a mental pause between their emotional response and their verbal response during situations that get intense. This requires the breath. A master of self does not shift the blame for how they feel onto others. Ever. The master takes responsibility for themself, and chooses their response based on their minutes/hours/days/weeks/months/years/lifetimes of practice. As we consciously build our practice each day, our “response-ability” increases naturally as a result.
There is a stillness within the eye of the hurricane as the storm rages, tearing up all in its path. Perhaps this is what the “spiritual crowd” means when it says to “stay centered” at all times.
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This week we are “practicing the pause” which is our ability to still the emotional response by using the breath. When something that we do not like or agree with occurs, our first re-action should always be to take a deep and steady nasal breath inward. If one is not enough yet, then we take two or three methodical breaths until we are able to feel our racing minds slow back down to normal speed. Only from this homeostatic baseline should we then re-act to whatever it was that poked us.
It is never wise to make big decisions when in an emotional state, so practicing the quelling of the swelling of the emotional response will help in every avenue of life. Like Mother Nature shows us, we start with a little effort each day, and keep building gradually. We recognize that it takes daily effort for the tree to grow from the seed.
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If you are asking yourself, “Who the f&#@ is this guy and why am I sitting here reading what he has to say”, then start here at #1.
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Dab me up in the comments below, and please do not forget to HAVE FUUUUN with this stuff. While it all seems “soooooo serious” and maybe even a little bit scary to confront in our heads at first, it is actually quite FUN to do this work once we decide that it is. Your mental freedom is always up to YOU, and the peaceful feelings that arise from mastery are truly something to cherish!
lmao