People never forget how you make them feel

#41 - How you treat people is your currency

“Kindness can become its own motive. We are made kind by being kind.”
—Eric Hoffer

Beautiful Sunrises this week. Its starting to get proper cold here.

Take a deep breath and think. Right now, how many external entities are competing for your attention?

How many bill collectors, spam phone calls, friends who need advice, work associates, and others are trying to pull you out of this moment to get your response about something they want from you?

And not only that, but how many different internal voices are simultaneously shouting directions at you?

• "You need to go to the store for eggs."

• "You need to stop drinking so much and work out more."

• "You need to leave that old job behind so you can build your dream."

With your attention constantly being pulled in every direction, how do you remain balanced in the center of it all?

How do you piece your scattered mind back together when internal or external factors stress you out?

And how do you ensure you will not use your stress as an excuse to pretend other people are punching bags?

Your body is an ancient machine with an evolutionary memory of its own. You once needed your stress response ability to save your life from predators.

When a stressor sends your brain into fight or flight mode, the first thing you do is draw a breath and hold it.

The stress response fires, and your body produces extra adrenaline and cortisol in order to surge reactionary energy. You think fast, and react even faster when under fire.

Once the stressful event passes, your breath remains short and your body is left with an imbalanced mix of chemicals brewing inside. Your hands keep jittering, and your heart keeps racing along with your mind until you use your breath to steady them.

Via Giphy

Imagine this scenario:

You are running late for work and have to stop by the grocery store to get milk for your coffee on the way. After rushing to the back of the store, you find yourself huffing and puffing in line at the check stand behind an old woman who is counting change to pay for her goods.

She stopped your momentum in its tracks and you can't seem to stand still behind her. Your mind is already in the car speeding the remaining miles to work, so you fidget your trapped body while letting out a disgruntled sigh with hopes she will speed up and get out of your way soon.

When your turn to pay comes, you're short with the checker. He asks you how your day is going and you snap at him asking what the total is so you can pay and get the heck out of there.

But that lady and that man did not turn your stress response on. They did not make you late for work, and they did not deserve to receive your fury.

You were in a stressful situation, emotion was high, and it was easiest to project your anger on the other people who you felt were obstacles in your path. But had you taken a deep breath before reacting in the store, you would have realized that you were an obstacle in their path as well.

You would realize how you got up 10 minutes later than you should have and took an extra long shower this morning. You were stressed about being late before you even got in the car, and had you not put yourself behind, you would still be ahead of schedule.

Do you see how much easier it is to spot the creator of your stress when you pause to take a breath? And do you see what is necessary in order for you to remain present enough to practice kindness in line at the grocery store?

Even if you are typically a nice person, it is easy to get stressed enough to react poorly during moments where your awareness is scattered.

Ask yourself if your mind and body were in the same place when that lady's slow presence made you tense up with grief, and when the man's question made you nearly jump out of your shoes?

Were you feeling like yourself during those moments? Or did those moments temporarily transport your awareness to an altered state of being?

Remember to breathe through the stress response when it fires. Your breath is your control over the lasting impression you leave with everyone who you encounter.

From Cowboy Bebop

Think about this:

The word Spirit comes from the Latin word Spirare which means To Breathe. You and I are connected by the same Spirit of life as we breathe the same air molecules.

But we are quick to forget this indivisible connection when the stress response hits.

Stressors create tension, and when the mind is tense, so is the body. When all you have felt is tension for long periods of time, it becomes easy to feel isolated in your discomfort.

But how you treat others is your true currency, despite however you may be feeling during your interaction.

One conscious breath during a stressful event can be your reminder that others have their own stressors like you do. How they live in their own independent worlds which happen to overlap with yours for only a moment.

One breath can ease your tense mind to allow you to see how you aren't really angry at the woman in front of you. And within that one breath you have the opportunity to choose kindness in your action towards her.

Her breath pulls from the same source as yours. And you will only ever be capable of treating her how you treat yourself.

It is easy to be rude. To be distracted, impatient, and passive aggressive. To let stress rule your being and explode from your presence.

Things which stress you out will continue to happen, and your breath is your ability to control your response. It is the glue which holds you together as stress tries to break you.

It takes thoughtful patience to breathe into kindness. To allow a moment of airy realization to relieve you of your grief as the lady counts her change.

She will not remember the specifics of your interaction forever, but she will never forget how you made her feel during those moments.

Either way, your action will affect her. She will either tell her grandkids how you shone a patient smile upon her, or how you muttered curses as she did her best to clear your path without being run over.

You are the one who decides how to pass your energy along, yet you never truly know how great your positive or negative impact on others is.

As you breathe from the same source, ask yourself if you want to cut them or to help them heal?

And next time stress finds you, don't forget to breathe again, my friend. Your response ability is your responsibility.

When you leave others better than you found them, everyone wins.

Via Giphy

This week's practice:

Observe yourself throughout each day. Are there periods of time where you feel happy and balanced versus times where you feel stressed and isolated?

How do you notice yourself treating others when you feel good versus when you feel bad?

Whenever you find yourself stressed out, remember to take a couple deep inhales to breathe through the tension of the moment.

Observe the source of whatever stressors you might feel. Trace each one back to its origin and use what you discover to modify your behavior as needed.

When reacting to someone or something else, remember to breathe. Stress finds everyone from time to time, and cooler heads always prevail.

Remember people will never forget how you treat them, and some are better equipped to handle you than others. When you pass the energy you would like to receive, beauty will find you in every moment.