Living Grief

#94 - A fictional story about a family grappling with addiction

Like most mornings, Jack sat at the oversized cherrywood desk in his large corner office, conversing with his eldest son. 

“Jackie boy, how’s about you bring your new mystery woman over to the house for dinner tonight? Your Mother and I are firing up the pizza oven out back, and we want to see if she’s got what it takes to throw some dough with the best of us. I just cut a fresh stack of apple wood too.”

“Ha, I don’t know, Pop. That does sound compelling, but Carla is having a movie marathon with her girlfriends tonight, and my plan was to go camp down by the river.”

“Ahh, shucks, kid, you should live a little. What kind of Friday night is that, anyway? Sleeping by the river alone? Do you at least bring booze with ya?” Jack playfully poked at his son.

“You want the truth, Pop?”

“Why would I want anything else, kid?”

“I’ve been struggling lately, and spending time in Nature is the only way I feel like I can decompress,” Jackie responded, turning his eyes down toward the baby pictures tucked under the glass top of his father’s desk. 

He eyed the young photos of himself, and his Sister, Abigail. But it stung his heart to see his younger brother’s pictures had been removed.

“Is it the job? What’s going on with you?” Jack questioned him.

“No, I’m glad we work together, Dad. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Truly.

“It’s Neil. He’s been on my mind every day this week. I’ve been asking God what I’m supposed to do—how I’m supposed to deal with him, and the only time I feel any sort of clarity is when I’m staring into a campfire, alone.”

Jack winced like he’d been hit. He instinctively drew a short breath while stiffening behind his desk as tension smeared his face like war paint.

“He’s in prison now, Son. Deny his calls and move on with your life,” he replied in a monotone voice. “You don’t owe him anything, especially money if he’s still asking. He’s sure taken everything he could from us.”

“I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t mean to bring him up. You told me to be honest, so I told you the truth. I miss my little brother every day, and I wonder if we’ll ever get him back,” Jackie told his father with welling eyes.

Jack exhaled, stared at the wall a few moments, and turned to face his eldest Son. He felt his hands stop shaking, drew another breath, and he pivoted the subject.

“Praise Jesus—HA! That’s probably what you’re singing down there by the river, huh? A one man Kumbaya band, I can picture you now.”

“Yeah, you’re a funny guy, Pop,” Jackie replied, wiping his eyes. “Always making fun of me for believing in something bigger than myself. I’m just trying to find some peace. Maybe talking with your higher power could help you too.”

Jack’s playful tone diminished, and an air of seriousness vacuumed the room as he sniped, “yeah, well, what has the big guy in the sky done for you lately, kid? Tell me that. Because all he does to me is twist the knife.”

Jackie glanced down at his watch and responded, “Well look at that. It’s already 8:30, Big Daddio, so I gotta run to my meeting with Monty about the Silverlake job. He’s supposed to give his answer today.”

“Duck, duck, dodge, like you always do, kid. I’ll be waiting for your response to my question with bated breath.”

“I remember a certain Company President ribbing me about selling bigger jobs just last week,” Jackie fired back. “And this is the biggest proposal we’ve ever written. Bigger than anything you’ve sold.” Jackie’s lips twisted in a droll smirk. He’d spent his entire life learning how to push his Father’s buttons.

“Just ask Jumpin’ Jesus to be with you during the meeting, and you’ll be fine,” Jack facetiously retorted, cracking a wise guy smile. He invented this game, and he knew how to win it.

“Ha, good one, Dad. I’ll do that, and I’ll tell him you sent me.”

“In all seriousness, kid, good luck out there today. Sell, sell, sell, and call your mystery woman about tonight. Your mother is dying to meet her.”

“Again, Pop, her name is Carla. How many times I got to tell you?”

“I’ll keep calling her ‘M.W.’ until we meet in person. Yeah, ‘M.W'… that has a real ring to it,” Jack winked.

With one foot out the door, Jackie rolled his eyes and replied, “my goodness, okay, I’ll talk to her about tonight, and I’ll let you know later. You’re a real piece of work, Pop.” 

On his way out, Jackie closed the door behind him. He grinned as he briskly strode across the thin dark carpet, shaking his head in reflection.

Alone once again, Jack turned back to his widescreen computer monitor, flipped his glasses back over his nose, and continued working on the schematics he’d been drawing when Jackie arrived.

Lettie was running late, trying to juggle too many things at once. She flashed across the room, between her closet and the bathroom mirror, getting ready to tackle her to-do list for the day.

Finally deciding on her favorite green floral jacket, she slung it on over her dress and began twisting her auburn hair into cascading curls. She loved dressing in beautiful flowers because she was one, and she knew it. 

Meanwhile, as she curled, an eruption of loud barking sounds roared from the front room downstairs.

These freaking dogs are so loud sometimes, she thought to herself as she held the iron softly in her hair. “Hush, you two!” She yelled from the second story.

But the dogs only intensified their alarming yowls, and from upstairs Lettie could hear them frantically clawing at the trim around the living room window. It sounded like they were going to tear right through the wall to shred whatever they were reacting to.

“Relax, you guys!” she exclaimed, louder this time, hoping her words would have any soothing effect at all. But they didn’t, and the dogs persisted.

I swear I’m going to take these two to the pound, she thought to herself, setting the curling iron down on the bathroom counter.

Dashing down the stairs, Lettie jumped the last two and landed flat footed on the ground floor. Seeing her dogs still jumping and scratching at the windowsill across the living room, she screamed, “Stop it now!” 

With graceful speed, she was suddenly beside her two German Shepherds, looking out the window with them, questioning, “what in the heck are you two on about? I don’t see anything outside. Was it just a squirrel or what? Would you please relax and let me curl my hair so I can get out of here before midnight?”

Flustered and frustrated, Lettie grimaced and exhaled a long ugh sound. “What am I going to do with you two?” And she flashed back up the stairs to finish getting ready.

Jack was just finishing an early lunch when his pocket went off. Wiping the mustard dripping from the last quarter of his roast beef sandwich, his vibrating phone flashed his next-door neighbor’s name on the screen.

He answered, “Carl, what’s going on, buddy? Did you try the vino Lettie left with Alison?”

“Jack, I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m looking outside right now, and there is a man in your yard, peeking through your windows. I’ve been watching him for 5 minutes, and it looks like he’s trying to find a way into your house.”

“WHAT?” Jack exclaimed, jump scaring the three other customers in his favorite deli. “Have you ever seen this guy before?”

Crumpling the butt of his sandwich into its wrapper, he sprung up from his table. Darting to swing the front door open, he rung his leftovers off the side of the trash can, but didn’t stop to pick them up as they hit the ground.

“I’ll be honest, Jack, he looks like your son,” Carl replied in a sheepish tone.

“Jackie has a key to the front door, Carl,” Jack fired back in a stern huff as he sprinted to his vehicle. “That don’t add up. He’s working for me right now.”

“I’m talking about your younger Son, Jack. I haven’t seen him around in a couple years, but it has to be him.”

Jack slid into his seat and froze a moment, just before jamming the key into the ignition. 

“It couldn’t be Neil,” he responded in a daze. “He’s away right now.” 

Turning over his engine, he ripped out of his parking space in reverse, rapidly spinning his front end toward the jam-packed street.

“I can’t be 100% sure, but this guy looks a lot like him. Only, right now he’s got a long beard, and he’s looking real thin. He rode up on a bicycle with no shirt on, and the alarm bells in my head starting going off as soon as I saw him stop at your house. Should I just call the cops, or—”

“NO!” Jack roared, cutting Carl off. “I’m on my way home now, I’ll deal with this. Thanks for the info, Carl, gotta go.”

Jack ended the call, and immediately speed dialed Lettie. “Shit, shit, SHIT!” He yelled out, slamming the steering wheel in time with each curse. “Pick up the phone, Lettie. PICK UP!”

Stuck at the parking lot exit, Jack began boiling over as Lettie’s voicemail picked up. Fuming, he immediately called back again. 

“Would you MOVE your damn car or what?! I gotta GO!” he yelled at the wall of traffic blocking the driveway. But his frustration only increased as his wife’s phone went to voicemail again.

Seconds later the light turned green, and Jack pushed his way into the line, throwing his middle finger at the man honking behind him.

“You’re lucky I don’t have time for you right now, Pal,” he huffed.

Grabbing her purse from atop the freshly made king sized bed, Lettie didn’t even feel it vibrating. She was too focused on getting out the door with enough time to get to the store before her afternoon Town Hall assembly. 

“Outside,” she yelled at the dogs as she slid the back door open. “I don’t want you two tearing up the house while I’m gone today.”

The dogs chased after her. Running straight through the open door into the back yard, they tore around the corner towards the front of the house, still barking like maniacs. 

You mongrels sure are on one today, she thought to herself.

Flipping the lock on the sliding door, Lettie grabbed her keys from the kitchen counter, purse slung on her shoulder, and bolted toward the front door. But as she swung it open, her eyes widened in sudden awareness.

“Neil—what are you doing here?” She reeled in surprise as she questioned her disheveled looking Son. “I thought you were in prison, honey?” Taking a step back, she slowly swung the door back toward its jam, instinctively wedging her foot behind it on the inside floor.

“I got out early, two weeks ago,” Neil said in a shaky voice. “Good behavior,” he said, warbling a nervous laugh. His eyes were wide as flying saucers and he refused to meet hers straight on as he fidgeted around.

“Oh sweetie, why don’t you meet me over at the side gate so we can talk,” Lettie replied, her heart instantly split into tiny shards. His energy said everything she needed, but didn’t want to know. 

Locking the front door behind her, she finally heard the vibrating pulses inside her bag, but she didn’t open it as she shuffled quickly to the inner garage door. She hadn’t seen her son in just over two years, and his sudden presence demanded her full focus at the moment.

Slipping out the house’s side door, she locked that one behind her as well. She could see Neil through the slats of the gate, and knew whatever was about to happen wasn’t going to be easy. He was spinning, and her heart already hurt for him. 

Drawing a deep breath, she considered grabbing the pepper spray in her bag like she’d been instructed to do. Instead though, she decided she wouldn’t need it. The only thought running through her mind was, oh, my sweet baby boy.

Cracking the gate open, Lettie looked upon her youngest son and said, “Hi Neil. Where is your shirt?”

“It got stolen last night,” he replied, jacking his jaw, still averting direct eye contact. 

“You told me you were being sent to a sober living facility when you got out this time. What happened to that, honey?” 

“Cop dropped me off out front, and then the idiot just drove away. So I decided I was’t going in,” He stammered aggressively while gripping the air with his right hand. “Those shit holes don’t help me. They’re full of losers, and whiny bitches,” his tone was disgusted. “I came here to tell you I’d rather stay with you instead. I need my Mom. It’s hell on earth out here on the street.”

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time again. I hoped when you got out this time it would be different. We all love you so, so much, Neil. But you do remember where your Father stands, don’t you? You remember what he told you?” Lettie replied as tenderly as she could.

“Is he here? I don’t see his car,” Neil asked.

“No sweetie, he’s at work, like always. This house doesn’t pay for itself.”

“Can I come in to see the dogs?”

“Baby, I don’t think that would be a good idea,” Lettie responded to her son as tears glassed her eyes. Her voice cracked, “Your dad—your Father would have an absolute eruption if I let you in the house right now. Wait here, I’ll see if I have a few dollars for you to get something to eat.”

Neil looked down at his feet and nodded. He wasn’t going to try to force his way in again, remembering what happened last time. He was far too high to have a confrontation with the cops, and didn’t want to risk getting picked up again.

Lettie closed the gate, and the side door behind her, and dropped to her knees in the garage, crying muffled tears in hopes her son wouldn’t hear. Wiping dark lines of streaked mascara from her rosy cheeks, she swallowed her sadness with a long, shuttering deep breath. 

Why does it have to be like this? She thought in deep reflection.What the hell did I do to create this mess? It’s all my fault. My baby boy, no one can tell me not to help you. I will always be your Mother, Neil, no matter what, and I will always love you. Whether you believe me or not.

Opening her purse, her phone screen lit the inside. Looking down at it, she realized she’d missed 19 calls from Jack. How the hell does he know he’s here already?

Opening her wallet, she found two $20 bills inside, so she folded and tightly palmed them, tapping her husband’s name with her left hand.

He answered before it even rang once, screaming, “Neil is at the house, Lettie! Don’t open the door, I’m almost home and I’ll deal with him!”

“Jack,” she replied with broken calm, “I’ve been talking with him at the side gate. He surprised me at the front door as I was leaving.”

“DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE, GOD DAMNIT” Jack forcefully chastised her. “He is NOT WELCOME in my house! He could have a weapon!”

“I know your rule, Sweetie. That’s why I’m talking with him at the gate.”

Lettie opened the side door once more, and turned back toward the gate. “I’ll see you when you get here, darling.”

“Don’t you dare hang up, Lettie! Go back insi—“, she tapped her phone, and placed it back in her purse, turning to face to her Son.

“I found $40 for you, baby. Promise me you’ll get something to eat and a new shirt with it,” she said as she cracked the gate back open to slip him the bills.

“Yeah. OK,” was Neil’s dazed reply. “Was that Dad on the phone?”

“Yes honey, he called and I answered. He’s on his way here now.”

Neil’s eyes widened further, as if he’d been staring down the barrel of a gun, and they met Lettie’s directly for the first time during their entire exchange. “You told him I was here?” The childlike fear in his voice smashed each piece of her heart into smaller bits.

“No, Honey, he—“

Neil cut her off, “I’m outta here,” fumbling as he shuffled in a panic to grab his bicycle. 

“Neil, I love you, honey,” Lettie told her shirtless Son, knowing full well it wouldn’t be good for anyone if he was still standing there when his Father arrived. “Nothing will ever change how much I love you, baby. Nothing.”

Neil shook his head, but didn’t look back, wobbling as he rode away. And his trembling Mother followed him down the driveway. Picking up speed, in less than a minute she saw him turn the corner at the far end of their quiet suburb street. Where he would go, she never knew, and every time it tore her apart to see him leave.

“God damnit,” she swore to herself, hanging her head in her hands, her burning tears flowing freely. She cried like only a Mother with a broken heart could, and her grief vibrated the whole neighborhood with palpable sorrow.

And from the opposite end of their L-shaped street, she heard the roar of an SUV engine tearing around the corner, speeding toward her.

“Here we go,” she braced herself.

Jack slammed into the driveway, smashed the brakes, and jumped out of the car with his right hand ready to draw from his hip. 

“Did he touch you?” He screamed in a frantic blaze. “WHERE IS HE?”

“No, Jack. He’s gone,” Lettie replied in a diminished tone, hoping to de-escalate. “I told him you were on your way home and he left.”

“God damnit, why does that addict fuck think he can just show up here like that? I told him he was going to lose his family, and now he thinks he can torture us?”

“Baby, he is your Son, don’t you ever forget that,” Lettie told her husband in a tender, shell-shocked voice.

“He’s no longer my fucking Son! He excommunicated himself when he wouldn’t stop with the drugs like we told him!” Jack cried out in desperation. “All I care about is protecting you and this house from him.” His words cut his wife in ways his rage blinded him from understanding. 

“I can’t do this with you right now, Jack. I just can’t do it anymore,” Lettie calmly cried. She felt broken, and knew there was no way to reason with her irate husband. Not in the state he was in. Not ever, really. 

“I’m so incredibly late right now. Go inside and check the house, or whatever you need to do to feel better. But he’s gone, and don’t you dare go looking for him. That poor boy has been through enough as it is.”

“Yeah, you better go then. I could fucking explode right now, and you don’t want to be here to see it happen,” Jack snapped back at the love of his life.

“You already did, honey,” she concealed her tears as she turned away.

Lettie pulled her keys from her purse, sped off in her car, and left Jack alone with his torment.

Flipping the lock open on the front door, Jack darted inside the house, scanning each point of entry as he drew rapid, shallow breaths. The color had drained from his face, a familiar and unwelcome panic beat his heart like a war drum.

That son of a bitch, he thought to himself. I didn’t know he was getting out already. We’re back to this shit now? I can’t even be at peace in my own house?

Accepting he was alone and safe for the moment, Jack noticed the dogs had seen him, and they were frantically wagging their tails outside the back door, so he slid it open and let them inside.

“What are you two mutts good for, huh?” He asked them as they jumped up trying to lick his face. “You’re supposed to let us know when unwelcome visitors are here.” Kneeling to hug them both at the same time, he loved his dogs. Mostly because they didn’t talk back.

Jack was tired. Though he didn’t sleep well the night before, he had gotten up at 5am for work like he always did, and he never complained about it. But there was no way he was going back to the office after Neil’s appearance. He had to be there in case he came back, and he only knew one way to dull the roaring fire suddenly sparked within him.

Picking up the phone, Jack dialed his office. 

“Maven Concrete, how can I help you.”

“June, it’s Jack. A couple more meetings popped up today, so I won’t be back to the office. Feel free to shut down at 4pm if nothing’s going on, and hey, close my door for me, would ya? I left it open when I went to lunch.”

“Oh hi, Jack. That sounds good, thanks for the heads up. I’m walking over to your office now.”

“Thanks June, have a great weekend.”

“You too. Tell Lettie I said hi.”

Jack inhaled sharply, “will do.”

Setting his phone back on the counter, Jack walked across the kitchen to the bar, grabbing a bottle of his favorite, Oak Hollow Merlot. It’s 5 o’clock in Boston, anyway, he thought to himself as he popped the cork.

Jackie nailed his meeting that morning, although it ran far longer than he anticipated. After lunch and a couple other sales meetings, he returned to the office with the executed Silverlake contract in his hand. Feeling like a seven year old with a first place trophy, he was excited to show his Father they’d just bagged the biggest job the company had ever signed. 

That’s a lotta concrete, kid, he could hear his fathers words in his head already. All he wanted was to make him proud, and to see that sneaky smile again. The one only hard work could earn.

Entering through the rear warehouse door, Jackie took the express route to the sales wing. But when he reached his Father’s office, the door was shut. And after knocking several times there was no answer, which was abnormal for 3pm on a Friday afternoon.

Huh, I wonder if he’s taking a late lunch, he wondered to himself.

Just across the sales floor, Jackie slipped into his office and sat down at his desk, spending the next half hour sending emails to his team, informing them about how they’d need to order supplies for the Silverlake job, which would break ground 3 weeks later.

He was proud of himself, and wanted to celebrate. So he called Carla, and suggested they should join his parents for Pizza Night at their house.

“Are you finally inviting me to meet your parents, Jackie Boy? I was wondering when you’d stop being so mysterious about your family. Being real, I’m relieved because the girls were gonna put on horror movies tonight, and I was wishing I could spend the night with you instead. I’ll let them know I’ll catch up with them next week,” She excitedly told him.

“Alright, babe, I’ll pick you up at 5p and we’ll hit the store before we head over,” Jackie replied. “First rule with my family is, you never show up empty handed.”

Feeling good about himself, Jackie walked up the hallway to the reception area, finding June at her desk typing up dispatch forms.

“Hey June, is my Dad still at lunch? His office is dark.”

“No, Jackie. He called a couple hours ago and said he had meetings for the rest of the day. Told me he’ll be back on Monday.”

“Ah, ok then. I’ll just give him a call instead. How about you? You got any big plans this weekend?”

“Bob and I are going to the ballgame tonight, and your Dad said we could shut down at 4pm today, so I’m just finishing up and I’ll be heading out shortly.”

“Hey, grab a hot dog with sauerkraut for me, would ya? I miss going to the park. And tell Bob I said hello,” Jackie replied. Then he smirked, “Oh, and by the way, we sold the Silverlake job today.”

“Jackie, that’s big! I was just about to click your email to see what the verdict was. You trying to kill me with paperwork or what?” June beamed her pearl white smile.

“Just making sure you stay busy up here. Wouldn’t want you to get bored now,” Jackie winked back. “I’m taking off for the weekend, June. See ya on Monday.”

“Alright, young man. Congratulations on your big accomplishment. Be sure to celebrate tonight!”

Shutting down his computer, Jackie was out the back door less than five minutes later, dialing his Father from his car. He started the engine, but stayed parked behind the warehouse as the call connected.

“Hello,” Jack answered in a curt tone.

Immediately sensing his Father’s frustration, Jackie responded, “Hey Sunshine, guess who bagged a big fish today? Ah ha! This guy!”

“Ah, good. We’ll deal with that on Monday then,” his father responded, sounding preoccupied, and oddly unenthusiastic. 

“Well, don’t get too excited there, Pop. It’s only the biggest job we’ve ever sold. I thought you’d at least give me an ‘attaboy’ or something.”

“What do you think the whole world revolves around you? You’ve got a job to do and you did it. Congratulations, you will continue to receive a paycheck, and now a hefty commission on top of it.”

“Damn, Dad. What the hell is wrong with you today? June said you were in meetings, but you sound… weird, right now. Are you at home? I just spoke with Carla, per your request, and we were planning to take you up on your dinner offer tonight, to celebrate together.”

“Dinner’s off tonight,” Jack slurred. “Go on down to the God damned river and praise Jesus like you wanted to. I’m done. Kaput.”

“Dad, what’s wrong? What happened?”

“Your brother showed up at the house today. No call, nothing. I didn’t know he was out already, did you?”

“Wait, what? Neil was there? Where is he now? I had no idea he was out either.”

“Yeah, he showed up, and your Mother talked to him. Carl called me—said someone was trying to break into the house, so I sped over there to protect her. But then she told me to kick rocks when I tried to help.”

“Where is she now?”

“Gone, kid. Town Hall meeting tonight. I’m home alone with the dogs. Good, I say. More wine for me.”

“Well, did she tell you anything he said? Was he on meth again when he showed up? When did he get out—?”

In anger, Jack shut his son down, mid question. “Look, I have no idea what they talked about, ok? I’m SO DONE with this shit. I just want to disappear where no one will ever hear from me again, and we’ll all be better for it.”

“Dad, please don’t forget we are all a family here. You’re not the only one dealing with complex emot—“

“Don’t you EVER fucking speak to me like that,” Jack’s fury boiled over, and the easiest place to put it was on his son’s shoulders. “You have NO IDEA what this feels like, kid. Not a clue.”

“Yeah Dad, that’s right. You’re all alone, aren’t ya? Stuff it all down, like you always do.” Jackie responded, dejected. He was frustrated, and wasn’t proud of how those words came out. But it always hurt when his Father used him as a punching bag. “I’ll just let Carla know tonight is off, then.”

“Good,” his father responded.

“I love you either way, Dad.”

The phone beeped twice, and Jackie’s screen read “call ended”. Left stunned in silence, the young man sat in his car, behind the warehouse, hung his head in his hands, and he cried heavy tears.

“Hi, you’ve reached Lettie. I can’t come to my phone right now, so please leave a message and I’ll get back with you as soon as I can. Have a beautiful day.”

“Lettie, I… You know how I am. When you come home, I’ll—I’ll have a glass with your name on it. See you later then.” Jack hung up the phone and rested his forehead on his palm.

It’s already an hour after her meeting, strange she isn’t home yet, he thought to himself as he warbled through a kitchen drawer, grabbing at his wine key. Two empty bottles of merlot sat on the counter under the hanging cupboards, and it was time to pull the cork on a third. But as he yanked it, the cork broke halfway out, and the dam of Jack’s temporary calm busted wide open.

“God Damnit!” he screamed as fiery anger burned him from inside. Consumed by emotion, he flung the bottle across the room without thinking. But instead of smashing against the wall, it punched through and stuck out sideways from the hole it had just created.

“Great, just great,” he drawled. Staggering across the room toward the bottle, his swirling body told him he’d already had enough, and he knew it to be true.

Just as he got up though, he heard his phone vibrate on the end table. Spinning around, he saw it was a message from Lettie.

“I’m staying at a hotel tonight to give you time cool off. I’ll probably be back tomorrow. Love you.”

To the outward observer, Jack looked unfazed by her message. His phone thudded the hardwood table back where he picked it up from, and the stoic man slow stepped over to the wine bottle sticking out from the wall.

“Fuck it,” he said to himself, pointing his forefinger like a gun at the dogs on their beds. “Looks like we’re pulling another cork after all, boys.”

An hour later, Jack was half way through the third bottle when the action movie he was watching on TV cut to commercial. On the screen, a man held his young son in his arms after the boy had been returned by the police, and the VoiceOver said, “do you know where your children are tonight?”

That was what broke him. He couldn’t stomach his emotions any longer, and he clicked the TV off in that instant. He could feel he was about to cry, something he only did in secret. 

Standing up, he wobbled back and forth as he tried to escape the swelling fear which consumed him. But instead, it dropped him to his knees right there in his living room.

“Why, God, why do you do this to me? Why do you HATE me?” He cried hot tears with passion. “I have given everything to this kid, everything, and what does he do with it? Tell me why? Am I that bad?

“Am I that bad of a man that I deserve to live in hell? To have my drug-binged son break into my house to steal from our family, and then to fuck it all up again when he’s got yet another chance to clean himself up? TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK I DID TO DESERVE THIS!” Jack sobbed on the floor as the dog’s ears perked up.

Huey rose and pranced over to Jack, licking his face, but his human pushed him away. “Go back to bed,” he told him. And the dog obeyed.

At least someone around here listens to me, Jack thought as he stilled himself enough to draw a deep breath.

Standing back up, Jack breathed deeply again to collect himself, and inched toward the kitchen to trade his wine glass for a water. 

“God, if you’re listening to me, I just want my family back. I’ll do anything—I’ve done everything for them and they hate me. I just—I just want this pain to go away. I miss him so much.”

Again on the end table, Jacks phone buzzed. This time it was a message from Jackie.

“He’s always listening when I call to him, Dad. He’s always there to receive my pain without judgment, so I don’t carry it alone. And he loves me without condition. Who I call ‘God’, my higher power, that’s what he has done for me lately. That’s the answer to your question. 

“I just want you to know I love you, Pop, no matter what. And we are going to get through this if we stick together.”

“Thanks, Kid.” He responded. “Tomorrow’s a new day.”