Letter to the dog who saved my life

#37 - It has been three years since you left, yet I can still feel your love stronger than ever

"We cross infinity with every step; we meet eternity in every second."
—Rabindranath Tagore

The tribute song, “Dear Old Tuck” was written and recorded by Hue-Man in 2022 at the Brick Dojo Studio.

Dear Tucker,

Today begins the third year of my life without your goofy presence by my side. And, buddy, it has been a wild ride since that fateful day you stood up for the last time.

Three years later, I think of you with great fondness every day. I still see the smiling light in your almond eyes when I close mine to breathe in silence.

I feel your knowing love wrap me in a hug on the days where my peaceful solitude feels more like loneliness. Your memory restores balance to my tired legs when they wobble.

Your kind and loving nature lives on through my action in this world. I carry your Spirit with me and gift pieces of it to those I meet as I spread your ashes from state to state.

Your love is still alive, Tuck.

You were the greatest teacher I ever had, and never once did you speak a word to me. Your actions spoke with more power than the voice of the loudest preacher.

The force of your Unconditional Love saved my life more than one time. Thank you, Tucker. Thank you for saving me from myself. Thank you for being you.

I was not OK for a very long time, and you knew it. You understood my darkness in a way that I did not, and you never once judged the process I went through to figure myself out.

No matter how many shards I allowed myself to shatter into, you were always the foundation of my effort to glue myself back together as a better man. Your love was stronger than granite yet soft to the touch.

I thank you for giving your heart to me while only demanding sourdough bread and butt scratches in return. I thank you for sticking around long enough to make sure I would be able to live on without you.

You taught a desolate boy who focused only on the cold pangs of loneliness how to truly love himself. And your memory stokes the fire of purpose in the heart of the man he became.

You watched me rise from the ashes of that boy with a knowing light in your eyes, and I could sense the accomplishment you felt in seeing your work here was complete.

Once I forgave my pain, I felt the true force of your love stronger than ever. I finally understood I was worthy of it and in the last two years of your life I learned how to honor and cherish the gift of presence you gave me.

I gave you your flowers while you were still here, and in exchange you gave me the feathers I built my wings with. So now I fly in your honor.

And you fly with the ravens.

Your love is still alive, Tuck.

For one week after you died I called your name to the sky over and again like a child who had just lost his Mother and Father in one swoop of fate’s hand.

"Tucker, what am I to do without you?"

And your Spirit answered with the same knowing wisdom you always shared.

"You are supposed to live. Live harder."

Your sage advice weighed more than all the mountains we climbed together combined, and I sang my promise to the wind, knowing my truth and your essence to be one.

"OK, Tucker. It is time for me to live harder. Please protect me."

Rather than drowning my sorrows, I increased the intensity of my training. I didn't even know what I was training for, but I could feel your love shining through the sunlight as it illuminated my path.

As my old world crumbled, adventure called to me, and my first reaction was a fearful refusal of the call. But lying quietly behind the gates of that fear was a confidence I had never known before.

I trusted my promise to you, and I trusted you would guide me through my fear to be emboldened by courage, no matter what found me on the road.

Your love is still alive, Tuck.

I took a long bicycle ride with your ashes in my pocket and that ride changed my life in ways written words do not hold enough weight to convey. I faced my own death on the road several times knowing the promise I made to you would protect me.

The fears that once hobbled my confidence melted along with the freckles on my face. Your limitless Spirit shone through my heart to manifest what I can only call Magic on my path.

You flew over me in the clouds and I cried as I saw you streak across the sky. You sang to me from the fields, and embraced me through the wind.

You breathed life into my tired legs on the days I wanted to quit. You slept within my heart when I pitched my tent alone in the woods.

I spread your ashes through the countryside to bless the body of this land with the body of the great one who saved me from an early demise.

No matter where I went, I was at home with you in every moment. And in every moment you showed me the way forward.

Kind strangers found me around every bend in the road. They gifted me pieces of their hearts, and in return I gave them pieces of the golden love you bloomed within mine.

Your love is still alive, Tuck.

All students are meant to surpass their teachers, and you disappeared when your work was complete. I spent 836 days without my greatest teacher walking beside me, and during that time I learned who I AM.

I built valuable experience during that time to know and trust I could stand on my own two feet before bringing a new dog into my life to continue where you left off.

I had to know that when I did, I would not be making an effort to replace you.

You took me to exactly where I needed to be at the time, and you left me at exactly the right time to transform your teachings into wisdom through my own experience.

When I was finally ready to accept a new teacher, your successor appeared in the form of an 8 week old puppy. The fire within my heart roared to new heights the first time I held him in my arms.

When we locked eyes for the first time, something inside me knew he was born specifically to come home with me, and I felt you nudge me beyond the fear of letting go I had long been grasping with white knuckles.

Your loving essence breathed a sigh of relief through my heart as I released the unfounded belief that no other dog could ever surpass your greatness.

You helped me survive by giving me the Unconditional Love that saved my life, and then Juice appeared when I was ready to embrace my own living evolution. He continues where you left off by teaching me how to thrive.

Juice encourages me to continue living harder in your wake. In less than a year together he has shown me sides of myself I was too afraid to face with you. I was not ready then, but I am now.

His unbounded energy calls me to rise higher and higher to meet him. He is doing a fantastic job in his quest to forge me into the best version of myself I can be.

I made a promise to him the day he rode home from the shelter on my lap. I told him I would give him the best life he could ever imagine, and asked him to do the same for me.

I told him I would remind him how much I love him every single day, and asked him to do the same for me.

And now he and I plant your ashes in new places together.

I carry your promise and his nested within each other like Russian Dolls everywhere we travel. Your memory compounds with his new teachings in a continuous call for me to rise to new levels of loving understanding.

I have to tell you, Tucker, the world looks more beautiful than ever from up here, and we will continue to climb until our legs give out.

Juice tests me in ways I had no idea were possible. He shines the light of his youth into the dark caverns of my heart I was still too afraid to explore before he found me.

He taught me how to lock my intention on exactly what I want, and how to attain it through focused effort.

And when he tests me, I hold your memory in my hand like a crystal ball to see beyond whatever situation we are in, to observe myself through the eyes of your wisdom.

When his energy feels out of control and I feel overwhelmed as he does flips in the backseat of the car, I remember how you showed me where this all ends for us.

The memory of how your age slowed you down thrusts me so deeply into each present moment that I can not help but fall in love with my sweet wild pup over and again each and every day.

We play with the fury of wild beasts until we are so tired we collapse into a pile on the floor. The Spirit of his youth rekindled my own, and the same light that once shone through your eyes now sparkles in his.

My inner child is alive and well, and it dances to the unified rhythm of our beating hearts. Our time is now, and we live it in sweaty gratitude.

I do not long to hold you in my arms because I eternally hold you in my heart. I will be with you in Spirit again one day, but for now it is Juice's turn to copilot this adventure.

He is not a replacement of you. He is an evolution of you. And together your collective power continues to evolve me.

I cherish him in the same way I continue to cherish you. But the love I am able to give to him is only as strong as it is because you taught me how to love myself first.

I am only able to do the work I do now because you taught me how to love myself first.

The only reason I am still alive now is because you taught me I am indeed worth loving, and that the greatest love of all blooms from within.

Your essence shines through his eyes and my heart at the same time. Your teaching blesses this world now stronger than ever.

I thank you with every breath. With every smile. With every tear.

Your love is still alive, Tuck. And it will never die.

I will make sure of that.

With Loving Gratitude,
—Your best friend, Sean

P.S. - Don’t think you’re fully off-duty though just because I wrote you this letter, pal. I still need you to watch my 6 while I’m out riding those country roads in Nebraska. Them farmers and cattle trucks drive fast, dude. <3

To my Dear Readers,

Thank you for sharing these special memories with me. Thank you for allowing me to bleed gratitude onto the page, and into the microphone, in order to express the contents of my heart with you.

Leave a comment down below to share a memory you cherish with your dog.

T.H.E. will be back next Wednesday with our first ever post for Paid Subscribers only.

Sending a huge thank you to the crowd of new subscribers who signed up here this week. We truly appreciate you being along on this ride.

See you next week, friends. Be well.

Your love is still alive, Tuck.