It's Moving Day
#42 - A reflective day of gratitude for all I have, and the continued support of my community.
“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened...or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.”
—Tupac Shakur
I recently had to make a big decision regarding my living situation. I had been renting a 120 year old house and it had some ongoing issues the owner did not want to deal with.
For one year I pretended I didn't care when my calls for help were ignored. Some deep dark part of me felt like I deserved to be treated poorly. I didn't yet feel worthy of an upgrade, so I stayed seated on a nail of my own design and spun stories to make myself feel more comfortable.
The situation gobbled a large chunk of my mental bandwidth, but I didn't want to exert the effort a move would take. For a while I was able to compartmentalize my ongoing frustrations, but they continued to bubble up until I accepted the best option for myself would be to take action.
One day about a month ago, I was taking a shower after a workout and realized I was having an imaginary argument with a person who continuously displayed unprofessionalism in her dealings with me.
I was being ignored when I asked for help which made me feel powerless, and chose to bottle my frustration up inside for far too long. It had nowhere else to go as it steamed out of me in an imagined scene where I finally got to speak what was on my mind.
"Why won't you just do the job you signed up to do?" I asked the imagined figure before me. "Why do you ignore me like I am nothing?"
And through those moments of projection a realization flashed across my mind…